Bus buddies – The 10 characters you will meet

Chiva

Having just ticked one of those 7 wonders of the world off your list, you are ready to bus it down towards your next adventure.

After the crazy local taxi driver managed to elaborately steer you through traffic never seen before without killing anyone, you haggled down your bus ticket to a stupidly low price you even feel guilty about yourself and then having ditched that far too heavy backpack in the cargo hold of the bus which has been functioning as your last bit of stability in this crazy turbulent life, you have now finally taken seat and are ready for your upcoming 8 hour bus ride to the next unpronounceable destination. Ahh heck, you might even be able to sleep through the best part of it right? Too bad though you’re more than likely going to be accompanied by one of these characters on your journey:

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1. The goat farmer
That local that managed to milk his goats and clean the chicken coop just in time to make it onto the bus. Hopefully your nostrils and stomach have come to some sort of an agreement and are able to form an acceptance with the situation, as you have another 7 hours and 59 minutes to go.

2. The recliner
How tactful you are when trying to gain that nice comfortable backward angle on the seat for your nap, others seem to not have the slightest care in the world and whack their seats backwards into comfortable position without as much as batting an eyelid. Nicely jamming that plastic tray table into you kneecap in the process. Result: knees busted and your drink spilled in your lap.

3. The space invader
The one next to you that managed to fall asleep before you did, now you’re stuck hoping his head won’t roll onto your shoulder with every hair pin curve the bus takes racing through the mountain pass.
Or there are those that just find it necessary to check the full inventory of their bag and turn it into a little mini bus exhibition having you ducking for cover pressed uncomfortably into the corner of your seat.

4. The storyteller
It can be a great pass-time to have a nice conversation with someone next to you on the bus. It’s one of the best things travelling that can lead to the weirdest adventures you had not expected but then there are those who just don’t take a hint. Raving on about their father’s twin brother’s cousin twice removed’s rabbit, you have lost interest in this raving lunatic about 5 cities ago.

5. The alky
The smelly breath alcoholic next to you, his stories make no coherent sense whatsoever yet he thinks he’s the funniest thing on this bus. After you have silently prayed to make it stop he finally dozes off eventually, though into a deafening snore with his head bobbing from side to side on every turn the bus takes, turning him into the ‘Space Invader’. That will definitely make you more careful what you wish for next time!

6. The diseased
You don’t need to be a hypochondriac to not appreciate this one. Your luck to be stuck with that ill person next to you coughing and snorting all over you, ready to spread all those germs. The lovely gurgling sounds and nose blowing into a dirty handkerchief which, now filled with a great pile of snot, disappears back into the pocket. All you can do is just hope they’ll keep that funky tropical disease to themselves and you won’t be joining those Incas that caught the Spanish conquistador flu in the 1500’s any time soon.

7. Mr. loud and obnoxious to you
It is one of those things that can come with nationality, we all know the ones. There are always those people you can hear from the other side of the bus, be it blasting their music, thundering their laughter or just finding themselves so interesting they think the whole bus should know too.

8. Babies
Just babies.

9. The fast food fanatic
That chemicals infested smell of dead animal combined with a hint of soggy brown paper bag. It is what those foreign fast food meals smells like. For some reason some people find those small and airtight containers on wheels are the best place to enjoy a meal like this.

10. No Shame Shane
To finish it all off, at the bottom of the list, are those nose picking, nail clipping, farting, burping and ass scratching, loudly telephoning all whilst listening to the tunes of that famous local ‘musician’.

Tough luck!

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